EP 8 | Permission Slips, Peace, and the Pressure to Be Grateful (Even When You’re Not)

You don’t need an excuse to protect your peace.
 You can love your people and still love your couch more.
You can be grateful and still struggle.
You can be thankful and still hate everything—it’s called balance, babe.

This week on Women Are Not Okay, we’re talking about social expectations, fake gratitude, and the art of saying “no” without a side of guilt.
Permission granted to skip the chaos, protect your energy, and find gratitude that doesn’t require performance.

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Real talk. Midlife. Mental health. Relationships. Mindfulness.
Because we’re not fixing it all today — we’re just not pretending anymore.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Welcome to Women Are Not Okay, the self-help podcast where we talk all things mental health, relationships, and mindfulness. Can you admit that you're not okay? Let's be real. Things are shifting. Our bodies, our identities, our mentality, and our relationships. Girl, it's time for us to reclaim our sense of peace, sanity, and well-being. I'm Crystal, and no, I'm not okay. See, that was easy. Let's get into it.

unknown: 0:40

Come on.

SPEAKER_00: 0:43

Hi, this is Crystal. Welcome to episode 8 of the Women Are Not Okay podcast. Today's episode is titled Permission Slips, Peace, and the Pressure to Be Grateful, even when you're not. And it goes out to anyone who's ever smiled through an event they didn't want to be at, whispered, I'm fine when they weren't, or faked their way through the holidays because that's what was expected of them. Between social expectations, toxic positivity, and the forced gratitude of the holiday season, it's a hell of a lot to deal with. So let's talk about giving yourself permission to stop performing and start protecting your peace. Social expectations, also known as the reason we show up smiling when we'd rather be home in sweatpants. Let's start with the social pressure monster. You know the one. Come on, it'll be fun. You should go. They'll notice if you're not there. Don't be antisocial. Why are you being difficult? How would you feel if they didn't show up to something you did? Meanwhile, your inner voice is whispering, oh hell no. Here's the truth. Most of us were raised on a steady diet of be polite, show up, don't disappoint people, which is fine. But somewhere along the way, that turned into performing instead of participating. So here's your permission slip lineup. Write them down, put them on your phone, stick them on your fridge, put them in your planner. Number one, I'm not avoiding people, I'm avoiding overwhelm. Number two, I don't owe anyone an explanation for needing rest. And I mean anyone. Number three, it's not rejection, it's self-respect. Boundaries aren't rude. In fact, they're quite sexy. Declining an invitation doesn't require a PowerPoint presentation or a flowchart. Sometimes self-care looks like saying no without having any guilt. Gratitude while suffering. Also known as gratitude doesn't cancel depression and anxiety. It just means you're sad and polite. Welcome to gratitude season, where count your blessings becomes a guilt trip wrapped in a Hallmark card. Here's the thing gratitude and pain can coexist. That's not being broken, that's being human. Toxic positivity sounds like we'll look on the bright side. At least it's not worse. Oh boy, it could be worse. Just be thankful. Why aren't you being grateful? Real gratitude sounds like this is hard and I still see the good in small things. I'm hurting and I'm grateful for my dogs and people who haven't judged my third breakdown this week. Do you see the difference? Real gratitude makes room for pain. Toxic positivity tries to wallpaper all over it. Gratitude isn't a demand, it's a gentle reminder. Even here, something good still lives. Toxic positivity, also known as when good vibes only, becomes shut up and smile. Let's talk about toxic positivity. That sugar-coated emotional nonsense that insists everything's fine when your soul is clearly waving a white flag. Toxic positivity is that relentless push to stay positive no matter what. It's the emotional equivalent of duct taping a smile to your face while your house is on fire. It's not optimism, it's avoidance and glittering packaging. How to spot it? You'll recognize it by phrases like, well, everything happens for a reason. Just think happy thoughts. At least you still have insert anything they think fixes grief. Toxic positivity doesn't make space for pain. It bulldozes it. It tells you that sadness, anger, or fear are bad emotions that need to be replaced and not felt. But here's the truth: those emotions are your body's alarm system. If you silence the alarm, you'll miss what it's trying to tell you. How to deal with it. When someone throws a look on the bright side your way, you have two options. Well, actually three. You can redirect gently. I appreciate the optimism, but I really just need to sit with this right now. You can name it, I'm trying to honor what I'm feeling and not rushing away. Or you can tell them to step the hell off, change the subject, and walk away. And yes, sometimes you are the one being toxically positive to yourself. That little voice that says, I shouldn't feel this way. Others have it worse than me. Yeah, that's you invalidating your own feelings in the name of gratitude. How to get over it. Healing from toxic positivity starts with giving yourself permission to feel all of it. Cry, rage, journal, scream into a throw pillow, whatever helps you move through, not around your emotions. The goal isn't to be positive, it's to be honest. Real growth happens when you can say, I'm struggling, and that doesn't mean I'm ungrateful. I'm sad and I still believe good things will come. Both can live here, side by side, like chaos and calm roommates. Being thankful without faking in. Also known as you can be thankful and still hate everything. It's called balance, Karen. Performative gratitude. Hard pass, okay? You can be thankful and still want to mute the group chat. You can love your family and still fantasize about a solo vacation. You can appreciate your blessings and still crave silence. Balance looks like saying no to chaos and yes to quiet. Microwaving dinner and calling it chef's choice. Canceling plans because your mental health called in sick. Gratitude that costs your sanity isn't gratitude, it's performance. You don't owe the world a smile. You owe yourself peace, rest, and joy that doesn't require pretending. So in closing, here's your final permission slip. You can stay home and still be a good friend. You can love people deeply and still love your distance. You can be grateful and struggle. You can be thankful and tired. Repeat after me. I don't owe anyone my energy, but I do owe myself honesty. In this episode hit home, share it with a friend who's already RSVP maybe to everything right now. You can tag me at women or not okay so we can keep the conversation going. Because you deserve a holiday season that doesn't drain you. You deserve a holiday season that actually feeds your soul. Until next time, remember, you're not a bad person for wanting to be alone sometimes. You're just a woman who's finally done performing. And I'm proud of you. Thanks for listening. Just so we're clear, I'm not a licensed medical health professional. I just pay really good ones who help me unpack all this chaos so I could come here and share it with you. Think of this as a pay it forward kind of thing. So until next time, protect your peace, set your boundaries, and remember, it's okay to not be okay.