EP 11 | The Guilt Trip "15 Reasons We STILL Feel Guilty"

In this episode of the Women Are Not Okay podcast, Crystal discusses the pervasive guilt that women experience in various aspects of their lives. From personal struggles and the need for help to setting boundaries and making parenting decisions, she explores 15 different ways guilt manifests. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-care, recognizing emotional manipulation, and the need for women to prioritize their own well-being without feeling guilty. Crystal encourages listeners to challenge societal expectations and to understand that guilt is often a conditioned response rather than a reflection of reality.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:03

Welcome to Women Are Not Okay, the self-help podcast where we talk all things mental health, relationships, and mindfulness. Can you admit that you're not okay? Let's be real. Things are shifting. Our bodies, our identities, our mentality, and our relationships. Girl, it's time for us to reclaim our sense of peace, sanity, and well-being. I'm Crystal, and no, I'm not okay. See, that was easy. Let's get into it. Hi, I'm Crystal and welcome to episode 11 of the Women Are Not Okay podcast. Today's episode is called the Guilt Trip. Let's be real. Nobody can book a round trip ticket to Guilt Town faster than a woman. We feel guilty for everything. Guilty for feeling, guilty for healing, guilty for needing. Hell, sometimes we feel guilty for wanting. So let's discuss 15. Yes, fifteen ways we feel guilt, and hopefully by the end of this episode, we'll learn a damn thing or two, including myself. This is going to be a long one, so grab your drink of choice and let's get started. Number one, feeling guilty about going through a personal struggle. You know that thing we do where we tiptoe around everyone and everything so we don't inconvenience people? Well, that crap has to stop. It's like, I'm falling apart, but don't mind me, I'll just cry and apologize afterwards. Here's the truth. Struggle isn't a moral failure, it's a life thing. You're not weak, you're not dramatic, you're not a burden. You're a human being with a pulse and a past. Number two, feeling guilty because you need help. Asking for help shouldn't require a blood oath, and yet here we are. Women will walk around on a broken leg before asking someone to hand them the remote. But needing help doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're living. And people who make you feel guilty for needing support? Yeah, those aren't your people. Those are emotionless assholes. Number three, feeling guilty when you set boundaries. Number three, feeling guilty when you set boundaries. Setting boundaries as a woman is like announcing Starbucks sold out of the barista cubs. Again, people will lose their damn minds. We need boundaries, we say. And immediately guilt taps us on the shoulder like, are you sure about that? Because they're gonna be mad. But guess what? People get mad because your boundaries stop them from using you like a doormat. Boundaries don't make you mean, they make you one step closer to emotional freedom. Number four, feeling guilty for not being okay. We feel guilty for not being rainbows and sunshine 24-7. That's cute, considering even the sun takes a break every night. You don't owe the world emotional cheerleading when you're barely holding on to your own pom poms. Sorry, I'm a former chair mom. Being okay is a season. Pretending you're fine as a sport, and you can quit that team anytime. Number five, feeling guilty for choosing yourself. Listen, choosing yourself is not selfish, it's survival. Choosing yourself does not mean you've abandoned everyone else. It means you're tired of running a charity for people who really don't give a damn. You're allowed to make decisions that benefit you. You're allowed to pursue joy without asking for permission slips, you know, like I talked about in episode eight. Number six, feeling guilty for making mistakes. We'll replay mistakes from 1999 like it's an unsolved mystery. But girl, mistakes aren't moral failures, they're data. They tell us what did and didn't work, who did and didn't deserve us, and what boundaries we ignored. You can't evolve if you're still punishing yourself for the version of you before. You just didn't know any better. Trust me, I know this firsthand. Do yourself a favor. Let her go. She did her best with the tools she had at the time. And besides, even your worst decisions taught you something, right? Number seven, feeling guilty for resting. Women act like rest is a luxury item sold at Tiffany's. I rested for 20 minutes. Should I apologize? Should I write a letter? Bake cookies? No. Rest is not a reward. Rest is a requirement. And burnout is not a personality trait. Normalize sitting your ass down without wrapping it in guilt foil. This is something that I struggle with. I feel guilty for needing space and needing rest. I feel like if I'm not going 24-7, then that's wasting time. And usually my mind and my body pay the ultimate price. Whatever you do, don't let that happen to you. Number eight, feeling guilty about parenting decisions. Oh, parenting guilt. The Olympic sport of motherhood. No matter what you do, guilt is there whispering that wasn't enough. Says who? You? Your kids? Your partner? Listen, parenting doesn't come with gold stars and stickers. Just vibes, snacks, and try not to traumatize your children with your own childhood traumas. You're doing fine, girl, keep going. Number nine, feeling guilty for letting people go. Some people expire like milk. Outgrowing relationships is not betrayal, it's evolution. You're allowed to walk away from people who drain you, confuse you, disrespect you, or think your boundaries are optional. Release them with love, but release them. ten feeling guilty for saying no. Saying no should not feel like delivering a terminal diagnosis. No is a full sentence. No is self respect. No is a spiritual practice. Say no boldly, say no early. Say no when smiling. Say no with a snack in your hand.

SPEAKER_01: 7:36

Whatever works.

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eleven Feeling guilty about financial shortfalls. Boy, we grew up thinking our fifties would look like sipping wine on a porch somewhere, wearing comfortable linen, fully funded retirement, vacations every other month, and living stress free. Instead, it's which bill can wait until Friday? The economy is wild, and women are carrying so much careers, caregiving, aging parents, college kids, inflation, and existential dread. You're not a failure because you're not living up to your real housewives' fantasy life. You're surviving a system that was never designed for women to thrive without guilt or exhaustion. You're not irresponsible, you're doing your best in a world that keeps moving the finish line. Number twelve. Parenting and caregiving guilt. Here's the guilt that comes with every casserole dish and late night phone call. The guilt of not being the perfect mom, daughter, sister, aunt, or caregiver. We juggle careers, caregiving, and self-care like circus acts, and still feel like we're dropping balls. We're told we shouldn't have it all, but nobody mentions the shame when reality doesn't match the brochure. Truth, having it all, it's a scam. Nobody's thriving in every lane at once, no matter what they choose to show you on social media. You're not failing because you can't be everything to everyone. Girl, you're human. And sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit you can't do it all, and stop apologizing for it. thirteen Career and Ambition guilt. This one's a double bind. Want more than the safe job? Guilt. Don't hustle hard enough Guilt Hustle too much and miss life moments? Guilt. Ambitious women are too much, and unambitious women are not enough. It's exhausting as hell. But here's the truth. Ambition is not a crime. Wanting more doesn't mean you're ungrateful. Choosing balance doesn't mean you're lazy. You don't owe anyone a performance of acceptable ambition. Your career is yours. Your pace is yours.

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And guilt has no seat at your desk. Number fourteen.

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Relationship and intimacy guilt. Let's talk about the guilt that sneaks into our love lives. Leaving relationships that no longer serve you, guilt. Not being romantic enough or available enough. Guilt. Choosing solitude over settling guilt. But here's the thing. Staying in something that drains you isn't noble. It's self-abandonment. Romance, especially at our age, isn't measured in how much of yourself you sacrifice. And solitude, that's not failure. That's freedom. Girl, you don't owe anyone a version of love that costs you your peace. Number 15, when people try to guild you. Yes, the advanced level of the guilt trip, the moment when someone else tries to flip the script on you, people will guilt trip you for just about anything. Not showing up, not responding fast enough, not doing things their way, not prioritizing their crisis over your well-being. But here's the truth. Guilt is a manipulation tactic when used intentionally, and an emotional reflex when used unintentionally.

SPEAKER_01: 12:22

But either way, it's not yours to carry. Spot the guilt trippers, the martyr, the victim, the scorekeeper, the emotional accountant. Your response strategy should be this.

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Keep it calm, keep it boring, keep it moving. Try, you know what, girl, I hear you, but this doesn't work for me. Or I'm not available for that, not interested, or my personal favorite. I'm not taking that on. Because you are allowed to disappoint people. You are allowed to prioritize yourself. You are allowed to refuse a guilt package you never ordered. Guilt only sticks when you accept delivery. So in closing, here's the bottom line. Guilt may be familiar, but familiar doesn't mean healthy. You deserve peace, you deserve boundaries, you deserve rest. You deserve to take up space without apologizing for existing. This week, try asking yourself, is this guilt real or is this conditioning? If today's episode hit home, share it with a friend who needs permission to stop apologizing for being human. And remember, women are not okay, but we're figuring it out together. Until next time. Thanks for listening. Just so we're clear, I'm not a licensed medical health professional. I just pay really good ones who help me unpack all this chaos so I can come here and share it with you. Think of this as a pay it forward kind of thing. So until next time, protect your peace, set your boundaries, and remember, it's okay to not be okay.